By Michael William Keith
Things in the Crisis Committee are moving at quite a pace. President Abraham “I cannot tell a lie” Lincoln has been elected as the President of the United States, following yesterday’s surprise peace treaty between the United States and Mexico, bringing about the end of the war. Lincoln defeated his opponent, Senator Lewis Cass of Michigan, by 156-109. The results were met with much cheering and whooping in the American cabinet, an indication of a clearly popular result. As a result, we now have an inflated American cabinet, with the majority of States currently represented.
Since the election last night, the political, economic, and military maneuvering that has occurred this morning has proved to be interesting. There is a sense that not all the states know what they are doing, with plenty of blundering and miscommunication going on left, right, and center. That being said, history is being rewritten.
For example, who knew that the Yucatan Peninsula was the 31st recognized state? Yuup, that happened today. Or that France invaded Mexico in the 1840’s? That also happened. Why is this happening? I don’t know. And I don’t think the cabinets really know either, but they’re walking down their paths with full confidence. Among other events, a luxury chain of chicken restaurants has been opened in Kentucky, a new economic block between Northeastern States has been created, rebel states have attacked Texas while disguised as Mexicans, taxation backed healthcare has been approved in the State of New York, and the Governor of Louisiana has been accused of having a bondage fetish.
As the initial crisis of the Mexican-American War of 1846 has been resolved on the first day, we are building up to a new crisis but it is not official yet. So the crisis rooms have found themselves in a no-mans land of sorts, moving this way and that but without a specific purpose. Proving to be a real test of delegates’ knowledge of the time period, the crisis backroom is enjoying their task of making life as difficult for delegates as possible. Will we see the breakout of the real crisis today or will the storm keep brewing? How far are the delegates willing to push the boundaries? And please for the love of god can someone attempt an assassination.